An Ode to American Machinery

Friday 12th October 2007
at 03:20am

We were offered the use of our friend’s truck for the few months that we are here and up until today we hadn’t taken it. Not because we didn’t want it, more because I had to familiarise myself with the roads, the rules and everything else I needed to know. Particularly seeing as think is an absolute monster of a vehicle.

I mean, we need to consider the progressive steps taken to get to this point today:

1. 5 weeks ago I was driving from the right hand side of the car on the left hand side of the road in a city and on streets I have known my entire life
2. I have been on vacation trying my best to worry about not much more than seeing the Packers play
3. I started to realise that at some point I was going to have to drive and began paying attention to everything I needed to
4. We hired a little Dodge Calibre to test my learnings and ability to tell my lefts from my rights still

Having now driven this truck for half a day I can say that the differences between a regular sedan and one of these things is immense. So much so that I‘ve written a little poem about it. It’s titled “The Suburban Truck”:

The Suburban Truck - An ode to American Machinery

Is there anything more American?
Let me tell you my friends
When you drive a Suburban truck
The fun just never ends

Why drive a Mini Minor
There’s just no fun in that
‘Cause there’s so many darn suburban trucks
They’ll run you over flat

Now you know we’re true blue Aussies
And being here ain’t no fluke
But thanks to the truck we’ve changed our names
To Billy Bob and Daisy Duke

Cherry Pie, a touchdown
or the Sundance kid himself
Mickey Mouse, the Stars and Stripes
Remain upon the shelf

‘Cause when you think American
Dear friends you must think big
The bigger the better, the louder the prouder
And dance yourself a jig

They’re petrol guzzling monsters
A deer collecting beast
Suburban trucks are just so great
They simply can’t be beat

On your way Mother Nature
There’s no need for you here
You can take your fuel efficiency
And stick it in your ear

Make a phone call, tell a friend
Just don’t try bothering us
‘Cause nothing says go take a jump
Like a good suburban truck

The chant goes out from East to west
And all Springfields unite
U...S...A, U...S...A
Now here’s some V8 might

It’s big and wide and long and loud
Are you intimidated yet?
I’m a suburban truck, get out of my way
Or ‘splat’ is what you’ll get

That’s pretty bad poetry huh? Oh well, i’ll try anything once. And the irony? Despite saying all of that we love our truck, the freedom it gives us and the yes, even the size of it sitting next to the littler ones.

Apart from picking up the truck and stick shifting my way through town (I’d never experienced a stick shift before) Ben and I stopped to see some pumpkins. I figured seeing as it was on the way, why not? Ben and Kelly then enjoyed an afternoon at the zoo with our friend Daniela and her little boy Alex whilst Luc and I, for the second night in a row, sucked down some Gerber and rocked ourselves to sleep.

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